tap dancer to be.

if they shall steal my words then so be it

I do not write for fame

I write for release

with my words I am most pleased

for the former me has long since deceased

and she promised she wouldn't roll out without a peep (squeak squeak)

hardly though

I apologize that I must scribble on

dear nation

dear dear nation of likeminded citizens and unforgiving leaders

they're all a horde of seals fighting for the top of the rock

also known as the highest point above sea level

and once you sit there what will you do oh brave conquering soul?

why I'll spread the word and give the thumbs up

I'll encourage positive change and I'll keep the young ones quiet

certainly I'll make those aluminums shine

and keep your teacups forever gleaming

I won't need my sleeves inspected

let alone the underbellies of my arms

not now sir, I'm going swimming, I do declare

though I never made it past the stairs

just outside the door

try me I'm open

come in whole and leave broken

over and over again upper respiratory failure inconclusive diagnosis

forgive me for failing you

I caressed her face she turned to the wall the back of the couch with eyes closed

to the back of the world

to the island we go

silent corner

promise me nothing I'll deliver it this Sunday

promise you a priest to make them cease

baby one day blessed maybe

but the killing of a beast

the beast being that is imagined into reality and smited with a... flip flop...

you heavy-hearted selfish soul

with your humanoid qualities

and alien sociability

to yourself you are an escaped slave

but to them you are only the wordless wonder

witless until proven otherwise.

[to hear you tell it they'd have reprogrammed you and loaded you in the ship, no problemo... and the red sky would send your shaking soul all the way up to the twenty-fifth floor, and you'd beg her to come back, sing to her... make jokes... and she uneasily settles back inside... positively shaking... burning with rage... but where have you been Mar dear... where have you been? wandering streets and sniffing at Florida water... ]

-the resistance is not sexual and french. it is an ugly composition of what should not be done. it is the past brandishing itself as a naked old person and expecting adoration. they're lethal, the cigarettes and the days passed, just as lethal as the only things we knew. so promise me, after I've changed shape, that you'll sniff me out in let's say a decade or so... that I'll be breaking my vows at a local bar with my legs crossed and my left leg jouncing in the air most menacingly. oh but you must stick around... why this is tragedy live in the face and we do not charge for our tickets... beep beep woot woot license and registration... yeah... no.

©Marlena Cudak

you big weirdo you. mister fuzzy bear. (my x really)

i's hard enough to be happy

with the fear causing me to run harder than before

I don't know how I'm going to make it better

I don't know why everybody is so racist really

it's hard to distinguish the real from the unreal

when people say it's a question of what you believe then they're lying

one must not get caught up in spiriuality as there are other aspects to life

so I didn't know who I was dealing with

so the world isn't a rosy place

you don't have to do what you think your friends will applaud

I saw the video footage of terrorists in Indonesia

the Pakistani terrorist said to "India:: Leave your phone on, we want to hear the gunshots."

I understand the concept of beng raised a certain way, don't you?

I suppose people are told don't get emotional, don't let people be nice to you.

AND FOR GOD SAKES LETME GET A WORD IN

I can understand why you wanna be big and scary and listened to and all that

the truth is love knows no bounds and when someone loves you they do anything for you

and iy's not something you think about

it's not something you can recreate or incur

I know you're ass stubborn about getting me to comply and my god what pressure with the whole squad watching

and when I hit the nail on the head you want to say what are you talking about ike I don't know

it's okay that you want to shwo me things

I admire your drive in getting your message across

please

for everyone's sake

stop being weird.

AT ONE O'CLOCK

I will sleep peacefully tonight,

you are in fact gay...

and I am an idiot for thinking you were anything more than

an idea thief, a verbal abuser, a lying scumbag, a no-show, a cold freak of nature, and an immature wimp.

I wish I could be as hateful as you and cause you as much damage as you have caused me, not because I seek revenge, just because I hope that will make you finally stop and back the hell off of me.

I understand you're a predator, much like the dinosaurs were and yet I assure you your karma is taking a worse beating than I am.

Might I remind you that it has been about 14 months since you treated me right.

If my feelings for you are reduced to embers I hold in my heart, then those are my embers and my heart and NOT YOUR BUSINESS.

I have every right to move on and see whom I please.

You can't expect me to commit suicide out of loneliness and disappointment at your no-show ways.

IT is unbelievable that you refuse to let me heal in peace.

Knowing that you do not even LIKE ME. YOU DON'T EVEN LIKE ME SO WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING FUCKING WITH ME?

FOR FUCK'S SAKE BACK OFF BEFORE YOU GET MESSED UP... AND I SWEAR IT WON'T BE ME... SOMETHING ELSE... GOD KNOWS AND GOD HELP YOU WHEN IT HAPPENS!

YOU DEGRADE ME. YOU INSULT ME. YOU BRING ME DOWN. YOU ARE NOTHING MORE THAN A SNOTTY BULLY ON THE PLAYGROUND.

GO BACK TO THE MONKEY BARS AND GET OFF OF COLLEGE CAMPUS.

YOUR MONEY WON'T HELP YOU.

GO STICK TO YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOUR KICK-IT'S.

GO DO WHATEVER.

BUT BACK OFF.

YOU DON'T KNOW ME. YOU NEVER KNEW ME. YOU DON'T EXIST TO ME.

said fred to the gang of hot dogs

this bitch is pining like a freak on a leash

puppy eyes done got switched off

I'm only steps away he says

from getting her to cut her own throat...

a lovely thing indeed

to get close to me.. to push me into a blackhole...

and wait for me to perish

while prodding me gently

to do it

hurry up he says

the idiot

pillow

dream hollow

do not scream but swallow

do not wrench yourself away

the sun comes out again another day

the cars go by

the lights glow bright

I went to sleep

without my pillow

another night.